Ponderings from a woman’s heart

When did I become a woman? When did my hips become so curvy? When did I grow up? How did I get here, am I really here?

I remember when I was 15 years old I thought the perfect age would be 30 or 35 years old. At fifteen young years of age I imagined I would have everything together with my life and be living the dream in my thirties. There are days this thirty year old woman, mom of three still feels like a young girl. There are other times I look around at my day and feel like a twenty year old with so much more to learn in life, then there are brief moments where I feel as though I have arrived to thirty something.

I remember looking at other women in my church in their late twenties early thirties, married with a baby and another one on the way. They seemed so “together” . These women always knew just what to do for anyone. They knew how to fix their three year old’s ouchy, while straitening their husbands tie, feed the baby, keep peace in the home, and look great while doing it.

If it was not for the mirror and my three children growing older I would swear I was just a newlywed 24 years old excited and passionate about all life has to offer.

So now here I am running around frazzled sometimes, holding on to a thread of sanity and hoping I somehow to pull off each day. Praying that through God these children will turn out to be loving, caring, people who follow after God, and forgive all my mistakes.

I wonder how did ten years go by, how did I become this woman? As I pull ice out for the new bump on one sons head, get the bottle ready for baby, open up the school books for our oldest son I take a deep breath and know God is with me.

Out of deep depths of my soul a confident woman is emerging. A woman who knows I will never know everything , but I can trust the still small voice of the Holy spirit to guide me throughout each day. A woman who is confident that God’s Grace is sufficient, and His mercies are new every morning.